


Casting Calls

by Sara_Ellison



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003) RPF, Dollhouse RPF, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog RPF, How I Met Your Mother RPF, Whedonverse RPF - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 11:43:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sara_Ellison/pseuds/Sara_Ellison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you think Joss gets those magnificent actors to work for him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Casting Calls

I.

1a. Costar  
JOSS WHEDON: Hey, Aly.  
ALYSON HANNIGAN: Joss! Hi! Been a long time...how are you doing?  
JOSS: Great, just great. And you? That show you're in is doing pretty well, huh?  
ALYSON: Yeah, it's great, good ratings, a lot of fun...hey, you should write an episode for us!  
JOSS: Yeah, yeah, I'll think about it. Hey, that guy you work with? Neil Patrick Harris? Can I talk to him?  
ALYSON: ...  
JOSS: Please?  
ALYSON: *sigh* Nice talking to you too, Joss.

1b. Sing  
NEIL PATRICK HARRIS: Hello? This is NPH.  
JOSS: Neil! Good to meet you! Joss Whedon here. You've heard of me.  
NPH: Oh yeah, big fan. What can I do for you?  
JOSS: Be in my project.  
NPH: Yeah? Tell me about the role.  
JOSS: You're the star.  
NPH: Uh-huh...  
JOSS: You're an evil supervillain named Dr. Horrible.  
NPH: And?  
JOSS: You get to sing. A lot.  
NPH: I'M IN.

 

2\. Super  
JOSS: Yo, Nate.  
NATHAN FILLION: Hey Joss. What's up?  
JOSS: You're a superhero.  
NATHAN: Yes, I am.  
JOSS: Excellent. See you Monday for first day of shooting.  
NATHAN: Awesome! ...Wait, what?

 

3\. Starving Artist  
FELICIA DAY: Hi, Joss.  
JOSS: Hey, Slayer! It's been a long time! How are you doing?  
FELICIA: Pretty good! My web series, The Guild, is doing great, and--  
JOSS: Yeah, great, awesome. Listen, want to play the heroine in my new project?  
FELICIA: Sure! Do I get to be badass and fight evil again?  
JOSS: Well, no...you fall in love with an incredibly cheesy superhero who doesn't appreciate you, and die painfully and tragically in the arms of the man who _actually_ loves you.  
FELICIA: ...Do I get paid?  
JOSS: No.  
FELICIA: ...*sigh* Yeah okay I'll do it.

 

II.

1\. Desperation  
ELIZA DUSHKU: Remember me?  
JOSS: Faith!  
ELIZA: Eliza, actually.  
JOSS: Right, right.  
ELIZA: I need your help.  
JOSS: Do you?  
ELIZA: I haven't been in, like, anything since Buffy.  
JOSS: You want me to do what, exactly?  
ELIZA: ...Make a new show for me to be in that revolves around me and is really just a showcase of me and what I can do?  
JOSS: I'll see what I can do.

 

2a. Fanboy  
JOSS and RONALD D. MOORE: OMG I LOVE YOUR SHOWS DUDE!!!  
JOSS: ...  
RON MOORE: ...  
JOSS: So, Helo. He's awesome.  
RON: Yeah.  
JOSS: I need him.  
RON: ...Uh?  
JOSS: Can I talk to him?  
RON: Dude, you do know he's fictional, right?  
JOSS: ~~He is?!~~ Ha, sure, I meant Tahmoh Penikett. I want to talk to him.  
RON: Oh. Okay, yeah, sure.

2b. Fanboi  
JOSS: Mr. Penikett!  
TAHMOH PENIKETT: Yes?  
JOSS: Hi. Joss Whedon. You've heard of me.  
TAHMOH: Yeah, of course.  
JOSS: Good. I need you.  
TAHMOH: ...'scuse me?  
JOSS: In my show. I'm making a new show. I need you to be in it.  
TAHMOH: Oh. Uh, okay?  
JOSS: ~~I want to have your babies.~~  
TAHMOH: ...Pardon?  
JOSS: You get to save the ladies.  
TAHMOH: Uh...okay, well, that sounds like a cool role...  
JOSS: Great! And they lived happily ever after!  
TAHMOH: That doesn't sound like your usual shows.  
JOSS: No, I meant you and me.  
TAHMOH: ...

 

3\. Negotiation  
JOSS: Disfiguring facial scars and repressed, damaging memories.  
AMY ACKER: ...  
JOSS: No weird leather-armor catsuit.  
AMY: No blue hair or creepy eyes.  
JOSS: No promises. Some clients like blue-haired Actives.  
AMY: *sigh* ...Okay.

 

4\. Make Up  
JOSS: I know it's been a while since we've talked, and I know we didn't really part on the best of terms, but please hear me out. Just give me a chance. We both said and did some things we regret, I know. I know I hurt you. It hurt me too, more than you know. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm sorry. I miss you. I want you back.  
ALAN TUDYK: Are you going to kill me again?  
JOSS: No promises. You're the villain.  
ALAN: ...  
JOSS: What do you say? Give a guy a second chance?  
ALAN: ...*passionate embrace* OhGodneverleavemeagain


End file.
